if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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