Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
