Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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