I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
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