he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
