just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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