Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
