I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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