Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
