i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
We're too hungover to prance.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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