this beer tastes like vomit already
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Randomize
