My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
You ruined the universe
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
