TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
