Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
