so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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