Can Purell be used as lube?
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
