Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
As shirtless as possible
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Randomize
