For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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