And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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