I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
