Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
