What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
