GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
