He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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