Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
We named our party play list daddy issues
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize
