I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
