That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
