I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
