She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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