the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
