Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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