Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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