i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
