Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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