you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
