My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Randomize
