your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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