Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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