matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
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