He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I'm at about main and main street
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Randomize
