some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
