farters have to be the big spoon...
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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