what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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