Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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