hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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