I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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