end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
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