Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
