I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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