so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Randomize
