i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
