Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
