maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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