i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
