Is it normal to miss your booty call?
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Randomize
