Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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