The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Did you pee in the oven last night??
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
