Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Randomize
