Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
