I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
