WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
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