Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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