before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
