I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
You are the jesus of drinking
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize