He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
