I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
