Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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