I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Randomize
