youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I want you more than these girls want KFC
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
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