he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
We had sex on a dog bed..
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Randomize
