Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
