I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
