Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize